Today Kinda Sucked

Today kinda sucked because:

1. I rented 3 dvds this weekend and all the movies sucked...really bad.

2. I went to pick up a prize I won this weekend only to finally reach the place and was told the office where my prize was stored was locked and no one had the key. I will have to make a 2nd trip to collect my prize.

3. I got stood up on a date for the first time in my entire life!!!! AND....I got stood up by a guy whom I didn't even want to go out with in the first place. Peer pressure blows. I love my friends, but I should have gone with my gut and not agreed to see this guy who ended up not even showing!

4. My credit card was declined for the first time in my whole entire life!

Things that didn't suck:

1. I felt nice and sore from my workout yesterday.

2. I found out that the Zumba class I love so much is no longer being held in the really gross place I didn't like so much.

3. Even though I got stood up at the restaurant, I decided to stay anyways, and I enjoyed a very delicious dinner all by myself. For dessert I decided to text my No-show date the following:
"You're a terrible person. Loose my number. Loser."

4. I had an emergency $50 bill with me and was able to pay my bill. My credit card was declined because my bank cancelled my card when they suspected suspicious 3rd party transactions. I didn't think to switch out my cards prior to leaving my house, but good thing I decided to take some cash just in case.

When I got home tonight from dinner, I didn't have the heart to tell my mom that I had been stood up. I think she would have been more upset about it than I was. So instead I told her that the date sucked and that there was no connection. Which was true...because the guy never showed!!!

News update. I received a text from my No-show date letting me know that he passed out and slept through our date. He stated that he felt really bad. He also just called me and left a message explaining himself. He said he knew I would probably not want to see him again. At least he is not stupid. If this were our 2nd or 3rd date...maybe I could forgive him. He did go to work today and I can understand being tired. But...this was our 1st date. The time when you want to make a good impression. He should have set his alarm clock or drank coffee....or something. Not forgivable. Sorry.

So tonight I have decided that I am sick of this whole blind date internet dating BS. I am so tired of meeting guys that I am not 100% interested in. I need a new forum. I am going to start going to singles events. Maybe it will be better for me in a face-to-face type environment. Frankly I have lost patience for the online thing. So sick of the emails, the chatting online, the conversations over the phone....blah blah blah blah. The good thing about all of this is that now I know what I want in a man. Hopefully it will be easier for me to pick and choose in person.

To new beginnings in 2010!!

I Just Don't Anymore (42lbs...woo hoo!!)

I just read my last posting from about 5 months ago. Lots of things have happened since then and some things have stayed the same. The good thing is that I still have my wonderful close friends. I have learned to be a better friend with friends I was considering unfriending but realized I had too many years vested and maybe the friendship would just need to take on a different form. The new format is working well so far. I have found a new form of working out that works for me. One of my bffs introduced my to Zumba. Its this awesome dance workout that moves your entire body and gives you an awesome workout and gets you all hot and sweaty. Which is why I have managed to lose some lbs since I last blogged. I have fallen off the wagon a bit on account of the holidays and also my Zumba instructor has taken 2 weeks off for vacation. I know...excuses excuses....its not like I couldn't go to the gym!! But you know...whatever. I am going to do everything in moderation. Like today for example I went to the mall and shopped for about 5 hours and then had a burger and fries for dinner! haha....trust me, by body is not liking it. I am feeling a little nauseous now as I type.

Dating wise, I have been on 1 date since the summer. I went out with this guy who I actually really liked.....but he just wasn't that into me. It took me a few weeks of trying to fool myself that maybe he really was too busy......but nope....he was just not into me and thats ok. I can say that without feeling bad....ummm....3 months later!

Tonight on facebook I unfriended a guy I dated. I think we dated some time last year. At first when I became his friend I cared about what he was up to, he new live in girlfriend (uh huh), and just what was going on with him. So tonight I was on facebook minding my own business and I saw a bunch of lame pictures from his Christmas party. He was in the pictures and so was his girlfriend....I looked through ALL of them of course...but then I was like...you know, I really don't care anymore. So I unfriended him.

I have been on a "I just don't care" kinda mood today. I also said the same regarding someone I was good friends with many moons ago when I was asked how she was doing. My response was, "I don't know, and I don't care".

So Sad.....(weight = I have no clue)

*Sigh*. I am so sad to report that on Thurs 7/23/09, my puppy passed away. She was 14. She lived a long happy life, but it still doesnt make it any easier.

I knew she was going to pass away some day, but I never thought the loss would affect me so much. I just sobbed and fell to her side when I saw her. She looked so peaceful curled up on the grass. I thought she was just napping in the sun the same way she always did.....but she wasn't.

In the past I never understood why people took their pet's passing so hard, and now I totally understand. I lost someone from my family.

I will always remember her. I will always miss her. I will always love her.

Thats all I have to say for today. I hope my next blog is not as gloomy.

Mixed Day - 58 lbs

Yes....a 2lb loss. I think it might be water weight, but who cares, I will take it!!!

Today was a mixed day. I realize I am making myself miserable at work. I find myself going out of my way to be extra bitchy to my useless helper. Maybe I should refer to her as my unhelper, because that is what she is. Ugh.

At the end of it all, I don't have to be mean to her. I think me being on her ass so much just makes her try to think more (not a whole lot more, but I do get the sense she is trying)...and at this point, I need her to be herself so that things can take their natural course.

Tomorrow, I am just going to be normal. Hopefully she doesn't do something terribly unhelpful to upset me. I noticed that I my bad mood followed me after work, to the point that I got snappy with one of my good friends, was pissy at the Zumba staff for discussing my payment status with someone else, and was annoyed with the lame front desk person for not paying attention to me quick enough when I first arrived to check in. I guess it also doesn't help that I am PMsing.

But, on a lighter note, I ended the day really well. I went to my Zumba class, managed to un-annoy myself, shook my ass, was able to follow the steps better, and just felt good once it was all over.

Oh, before I forget, I still have not gotten my period (but I am sure I will be getting it this week), but the thought of being preggers crossed my mind, and it didn't freak me out. Crazy huh.

Blegh - 60 lbs

Yeah.....60 lbs!!!!

Its almost 1 am and my stomach is growling. I can not allow myself to consume food past 8 pm. I need to start going to bed earlier so that I am not up this late anymore. It will help me with the hunger pangs. Today food wise I was so-so. I had 1/4 of a chocolate croissant (normally I would have had the entire thing, and possible a piece of some other one), a turkey sandwich for lunch, cherries as an afternoon snack, and an empanda for dinner. I had 2 diet cokes about 2 bottles of water. I need to drink more water. Not the greatest food day, but not terrible either.

But I am annoyed with myself for gaining an additional 1/2 lb since last week. I guess all the drinking and late night meals got the best of me. ugh.

Today I got a call from the Tall Dark and Handsome Bouncer. I think he only calls me when he wakes up horny on Monday's or something. I would pick up the phone, I know he is only calling to see if I can come over in the evening to his place. Not that I wouldn't mind some good sex, but his place is gross, and i refuse to go back to his place again and there is no way he is coming to my house....so no sexy time for either of us!!

Arrggghhh = 59.5 lbs

I weighed myself this morning and OMG.....I have gained weight. blegh. I had set a mini goal for myself in time for my b-day which is in about 3 weeks. I may still have some time to get to it, but I am still so annoyed with myself. Before I had a bigger weight loss goal of 50 lbs to loose, but since weighing myself this morning....I need to add 9.5 lbs more to this. OMG, where the "F" did I get these 9.5 extra lbs from? Oh yeah, the chips, chocolate covered pretzels, 2nd helpings of BBQ, late night meals/snacks, and chocolates through out the day. I am really so annoyed with myself. I should have known something was up when I didn't need the belt for my jeans that were fitting loose around the waist a few weeks ago.

BUT....its never too late to start. I say this of course, after already having indulged in some left over cake for dinner. blegh. Wow....59.5lbs!!!! Seeing it in writing is making it worse!! Going forward I am going to track my weight loss goal. I want to feel accountable some how, and seeing here in the title of this blog makes it even scarier. Hopefully by the time my birthday rolls around I will need my belt again and the number in the title of my blog will be less than 59.5lbs!!!

Its a Wrap!

Wow, so today, I went back and forth on the idea of meeting the Poet in the evening. He let me know that he didn't have money to spend aka if we go out, I am paying. I told him it was not a big deal. Last time I paid for him I didn't mind at all. It wasn't a big deal. But tonight....OMG, it was a big deal. So I get to the place we're meeting and he is already there peddling his product. OMG.....so I just walked right past him, I thought he saw me, but he didn't. I went to the bar and ordered my Stella. I sat down and some girl complimented the blouse I was wearing and then some guy sitting near me asked what I was drinking (since I was sipping me beer through a straw). The guy who asked was kinda cute and married! blegh.

So I am sitting there sipping my beer and then like 10 minutes later the Poet is calling me. I tell him I am sitting right behind him, he totally did not know I was there. So he comes over and gives me a hug and then proceeds to ask me if I had eaten dinner, I told him yes (it was past 10 pm), he then told me he had not and that he was probably going to need to leave early blah blah blah, and I was like...here is some money, get something. I was soooo bothered that I had to give him money. I was like OMG...even though I had told him I would take care of it. But its like, come on guy. I was so turned off. Then the girl who had complimented me on my blouse says, "Hey Poet". and I was like, "oh, you know her?" and he was like, "yeah, I talked to her outside". Note that before he had said that, I saw her picking up a business card and the guys she was with were kinda laughing at this business card. Turns out the business card belongs to the Poet. ugh. So the Poet orders his meal and beer and then asked if I had more money because he needed more money to pay for his food, beer, and tip. OMG. I was so fucken annoyed. I was just like...OMG....even though I know I told him I would take care of it earlier. But its like, come on guy....fucken eat at home if you know you don't have money to eat out. Especially since we were meeting late in the evening. Don't expect the girl to pay for your drinks, dinner, and then give you a sex.

I wanted to leave so badly and I couldn't find the moment to leave. I almost just wanted to give him more cash for his bill and leave, but I felt bad. So then he proceeds to make himself even more attractive by telling me that he officially applied for unemployment today. The girl from before then leans over and asked me, "Do you work with him?" OMG.....and I was appalled that she would even suggest it. I said , "No". She then asked how I knew him. I told her that we were just casual friends. OMG. At that moment is when I had the, "What the fuck am I doing here with him?" moment. So I gave him some BS about having to get up early the next morning and having to leave. I suggested he stay so he could continue "working" the crowd, but in reality, I just wanted to avoid him walking to my car and thinking he was going to get a kiss or whatever. So I bid him farewell and gave him a 1 arm hug with a tap. Yes, I know, very romantic.

What most annoyed me tonight was that he couldn't just be there waiting to see me. He is even more broke than I thought. He literally asked me for more money. He didn't compliment me once. I mean, strangers gave me more compliments than him. And he totally grossed me out when he was done eating because he announced that he had to go pee while scratching/readjusting himself over this pants and I could smell the disgusting chicken nachos he had had for dinner.

So basically, I went to the bar tonight to pay for his dinner and beer. Seriously, I should have stayed home and saved myself the money. BUT, as my good friend told me tonight after I texted her a recap of what happened with the Poet, at least now I am done and I am not left wondering where I stand with him. I really do feel like tonight was the closure I needed.

The man I decided to share my time and body with has to be deserving of me. And I don't need a Richy Rich, I just want a man who has his shit together. So the fact I was incredibly turned off, really helped me realize that I am really done with the Poet and I don't want any further contact with him. And of course he will be a distant memory once I get my period in July. We used protection both times we had sex, but still.

A Fat Girl's Dinner

OMG.....I had terrible things to eat tonight. Ugh.

I had the following for dinner:

1 slice of meat loaf
1.5 glasses of wine
1 scoop of ice cream

Now its almost 2 am and I feel gross. blegh.

Wine is Yummy!!!

Ahhh, I am sitting in bed. Had a nice dinner consisting of 2 chicken egg rolls from Trader Joe and a glass of wine (I am seriously considering 2nd glass of wine). My boss was not a bitch today, helper was only in 1/2 day, and the Poet texted me letting me know we should get together this week. I think I may take him up on his offer. Possibly Thurs, since I have Friday off. I will be able to sleep in all relaxed. Life ain't so bad all of a sudden.

(sipping 2nd glass of wine)

Oh, today I did something bad. I continued the texting banter with my old HS friend. On Sat he told me he was drunk, I told him I was drunk at a movie. He asked when we could go and be drunk together at a movie. (insert: today I did something bad) I said, Any time, going to the movies while tipsy is one of my favorite things to do! To which (of course) he responded, When are we going to do it? haha.

Ok, so this is where the bad me comes in.....I have never been with a black guy. I don't think I'd ever go as far as to having sex with him, but I wouldn't mind a little black man attention. OMG, maybe its the wine typing!! hahaha...I am terrible. I think I need to have the Poet come over and do me soon! so that I really don't do something I'll regret later on.

Fucken Poet

haha....I just typed the title of tonight's blog and it made me laugh because I can not believe the fucken Poet got to me. He got to me because ALL weekend I have noticed that he has not called me!! errrrr. I honestly thought I would hear from him at least in the evening asking if he could come over, but nope, nothing. He didn't give me the chance to deny him sex. errrrr

Ok, enough about that.

This weekend was pretty cool. Yesterday was a bit of a blur, oh yeah, now I remember. Yesterday I got tortured at the nail salon. I made the terrible mistake of getting this hard coating on my nails (aka fake nails) and I wanted them OFF and it hurt! But now at least they are just a bad memory and I will never do it again. (I got the nail treatment around the time I met the Poet. Maybe I got rid of 2 things I am not doing again this weekend).

After the torture at the nail salon, I went to dinner with my mom, relaxed for a few hours, and then one of my good friends came over and we went to the movies. My friend is so awesome because no matter what our plans are, we always have a really good time. We were only suppose to go to the movies, then as we drove to the movies, we decided we would go have some ice cream prior to the movies, but ended up having a bottle of wine instead! Ha!! Once we finally got to the movie I quickly got really mellow, tired, and sleepy. OMG, I could barely keep my eyes open. It was a little torturous sitting there, trying to keep awake, while watching an action packed 3 hour movie! So much for a night at the movies.

Today I went to a baby shower and WOW.....so many women. I had not been in a place with soooooooo many women in a very long time. It was nice (really freakin hot), but it was all very nice. Its always really great to see all the girls.

One thing that did happen this weekend was my old HS friend who kept texting me and asking me what I was up to. I think he wants to see me again. The only problem is that I don't want to see him again. I mean, I wouldn't mind hanging out with him, as friends, but I think he is interested in something more. He's a nice guy, good career, nice family, but I am just not attracted to him. Sucks.

So tomorrow is going to be Monday and I want to....

1. Not let me lame staff get to me. Especially because its a short week and we have a lot to accomplish before the week ends.
2. I will try and eat healthier. I am going to try and possibly go to the gym. I am really looking forward to Zumba on Tues night, but I definitely need more than 1 evening of exercise.
3. I am going to try and go to sleep at a decent hour every night. I have a terrible habit of falling asleep until after 2 am, and then in the morning I don't want to get up.

blegh...

TGIF...and then some!

Omg, this week has been too much for me. Yesterday was a terrible day. Michael Jackson died (6/25) and I had a painful 45 minute review with my little helper at work.

But it is finally Friday. I survived the week, and tomorrow is the weekend to relax, gather my thoughts, spend time with family and friends, and mentally prepare for a new week.

I am not sure if I will be spending time with The Poet this weekend. He is being lame, and I don't think I care enough to do anything about it. It is what it is. I was going to try and help him with some great ideas for his business venture, but I don't think its worth my effort. I don't know what to think about him. Earlier in the week we talked about spending time together this weekend, so when my good friend asked if we could hang out on Sat, I decided to call him and see if we were still on for Sat or not. He said that maybe I should hang with my friend because he was going to be promoting his product in the evening. And its like, how can I get on his case for that? Whatever. I was suppose to call him tonight to discuss further, but there is nothing to discuss. I asked if we were hanging out tomorrow, he said to go with plan B instead, so there you go, nothing left to discuss.

If we're only meant to have a physical relationship, then fine. I will call him only when I am horny and need a warm body. I have had such a draining week that the last thing on my mind is sex at the moment. I will hold off on calling him and see if he decides to call me. blegh. So lame.

So Relaxed....

Its almost 1 am and my little Poet just left. He came over again. This time there was no living room foreplay.....we just went straight to my room. And this time he made sure I had my fun first before he had his. Very nice. Once we were done, 1/2 of me wanted him to leave and 1/2 of me wanted him to stay. Sitting here alone in my bed, super comfortable and relaxed in my sleep shirt....I'm glad he left! haha.....

I am dreading work tomorrow. I have my helpers review. It is from 5-6pm. I think I may need a drink afterwards. I will put out feelers for my girlfriends....maybe they may want to have a drink with me....or possibly some Pho.....mmm, that sounds good.

Oh...on a side note, I have signed up for 10 weeks of Zumba. Totally looking forward to them, but I think I need to purchase a Zumba CD so that I can learn the steps because I hate being the awkward one in the back that can't follow! I mean come on, even the white girls can move their hips way better than I can!!

Ahhh...The Poet

Haha....don't have to tell me twice! So right now I am typing this entry in an orgasmic stupor.

The Poet left about 10 minutes ago. I just officially had my first booty call in the comfort of my own beb and I liked it! Like my mom says, as long as its not a bunch of random guys, having 1 consistent guy can be good thing. I think tomorrow I will have an extra swing to my hips during Zumba!!

So Poet was asking if he could come and "cuddle" with me on Wednesday....so I texted him back and said, "How about tonight?" To which of course he didn't text back but called to confirm he would be at my house in 30 minutes or less! Awesome, cause it gave me time to take a quick shower, shave my legs, and freshen up for him. I decided to go natural....and I welcomed him with a clean face and hair in a pony tail. He came over and brought drinks with him, which was nice. He insisted on going to the living room and watch TV...and I was like...umm, ok. Haha....I personally just wanted to take him to my room and jump on him.

Needless to say, the TV watching in the living room didn't last long. We went to my room, one thing led to another...and boom...he came! ugh. I was no where near being done. WTF??!!! So I let him rest up for a about 30 minutes and then pretty much jumped on him. This time he was able to last long enough for me to do my thing. Overall, it was good.....but I wish he had not come so soon the first time. I think he was overly excited about the whole thing.

So now we will see if I hear back from him, or if he is dunzo now that he got what he had been aching to get for over a month. Personally, I am very proud of myself for holding out so long, but honestly, I am not interested in anything long term with him, so there was no point in holding out longer.

Now I shall retire to bed and sleep like a baby....zzzzzzz

Wow, I am so nice and mellow right now. Hopefully The Poet still wants to keep his Wednesday appointment with me! hahaha.

Awkward but Helpful Conversation with my Mom

This evening I went to dinner with my mom to my favorite falafel place. And I have been telling her about The Poet and giving her little updates here and there. I then give her to latest and greatest about him wanting to come over and spend the night....to which she says, "why didn't you have him come over?". I was like..."huh???"

So basically my mom tells me that it upsets her that I don't enjoy my body more, i.e. I should be having sex. huh?????? She tells me that if I don't see a future with this guy, but if I like him, then I should use him for "pleasure". And then she proceeded to telling me that after having sex you feel really good and in a better mood. WTF!!!

Did my mom just try to tell me that I am a raging bitch and that I need to get to laid ASAP?!?!?!? hahaha....omg. I almost choked on my falafel.

So basically I have been given the green light from my mom to engage in a "friends with benefits" escapade with The Poet. I honestly am warming up to the idea. Because I do like the Poet, I just don't like talking to him because he drives me crazy with all his LAME ass ideas. I like making out with him, I enjoy being physical with him, and we have great chemistry.

I just think its hilarious that my mom came out with all of this. And honestly, I think that is what has been holding me back from having sex with the Poet. I didn't want my mom to think I was some skank for bring some dude she doesn't even know to my house just to have sex.

Hmmm, looks like things will be looking up for the Poet soon. Maybe he can come over tomorrow night.

Oh The Poet....

This weekend has been kinda silly. I actually did nothing eventful. I hung out at home and just relaxed, which was all very much needed. So on Saturday I was throwing the idea of calling The Poet and maybe hang out with him...why not? I had nothing better to do. So he actually had texted me earlier in the day asking to see what was going on with me and blah blah blah and to call him when I had a chance. So I called him around 7ish. He asked if he could call me in 20 mins....I was like sure...but in my head, I was like...wtf?? So he called me, I missed his call, and then I called him a little later. He tells me about his friends b-day party, details are all shady, and then says he would have wanted me to go, and I was like, yeah, if you had asked I would have. So basically this is what I think. He did think about asking me to go with him, but then kept throwing the idea back and forth in his head on whether it would be a good idea or not, and then while he was actually in route to his friends party, he changed his mind and really did want me to go...but...its in freakin Hacienda Heights....which is like 45 mins away from where I live.

So he is suggesting that I drive out there to his friends house and I can hang out with him at this party. I like that he tried enticing me to go by stating that there would be free food and drinks, and that then we could spend the night there. LOL....uh huh. Needless to say that I was not about to drive there alone to who knows where to meet him. And really, if he REALLY wanted me to go, he would have told me about it earlier and we would have gone together.

So I tell him, "no thanks". He asked what I was going to do. I said I was just going to stay home and hang out. Some how I knew this was not the last time I would be hearing from him this night. So I ended up falling asleep early and woke up around 3 am to brush my teeth. I had 2 URGENT messages from him. Both messages were him asking if he could come over and spend the night with me....especially since he didn't have a bed that night. I will need to blog one day about my Poet's lack of bed. He called me around 12am and it was now 3am. He was probably already sleeping.

And I thought, he is SOO incredibly dumb, because he would have totally gotten some that evening had he played his cards right. But honestly, the guy has no game. He could have

1. asked me to go to his friend's party with him. We would have for sure come back to my place, and he would have gotten some.
2. been really bumbed that he didn't think to ask me sooner to go with him to his friend's party and then said, "I am going to go to my friend's party for a few hours, and then we should hang out?". I would have totally said Yes...especially since I had already shaved me legs. But he is just too lame to think ahead I guess.

*sigh* what a dork.

So Annoyed

Ugh....today I am so annoyed because:

1. My brother is such a fucken slacker....and I strongly dislike him today.....strongly! I asked him to mount wooden blinds in the living 3 DAYS AGO!!! His excuse, "Oh, I just didn't have time". What-The-FUCK. He is home ALL day doing absolutely nothing...ALL DAY....EVERY DAY. omg, I need to not write about it because I am getting all worked up again.

2. My staff still blows. Since I am not on her ass about her work, she is going at ZERO miles an hour and is not doing shit. I don't want to upset at work, so I have been ignoring her, but I am going to put an end to it tomorrow, and I will demand she finish what she has been working on since MONDAY!!!! WTF! I think my staff and my brother are the same person!

3. The Poet responded to my "meet the family" text. He said (and I will quote...because its funny and I think he is giving me some of his poetic side), "your sweetness and oh so good wetness. that warm place of yours, thats what I want to meet".

HAHAHA....wow, he really is a Poet!

Ok, that put me in a more chipper mood. Thats what my little Poet is good for.....making me feel better. But, as old fashion as it seems, the fact I have not allowed him into my "warm place" is the reason why he such an eager little beaver....even if all he does wants is access to my beaver!

Current Boy Toy Update

I need a nickname for my current boy toy. Oh....The Poet. So the Poet kinda blew me off last night when I called him. I was a little upset about it because I thought, what a fucker, so now since I gave him a blow job, he is dunzo and doesn't give a shit about me anymore. But of course, I was being typical, and totally Chicking out. He texted me today apologizing for cutting the phone call abruptly. I let him know it kinda hurt my feelings, but that I forgive him.

So now he is asking when we are going to have a "movie night" at my places...aka, when can I come over so we can finally have Sex!!!

I texted him back and said the following: "Yea....you're ready to meet my family? haha...."

LOL....if anything is a boner kill, I think that would be it. But honestly, even if I don't want him for anything long term, I am still not ok with him coming over to my house just to have sex. I mean, come on. It would feel awkward to me for him to do another late night visit like he did on Sunday. I was able to justify the late night visit with the fact he was driving back to town from Mammoth....but I can not justify a late night visit in hopes of just coming over to my house to have sex with me. And I certainly do not plan on having someone over to my house for a movie night and not introduce the person to my mom and brother. How lame is that?

So, if he really wants to enjoy my body, the man is going to meet my family! Haha....I am curious to see how this all will turn out. I think its all pretty funny.

More to come....I am sure of this!

Zumba!!

Wow, I feel so great and energized. I went to a Zumba class tonight and it was so much fun. I was dancing, listening to good music, and hanging out with my good friends. If workouts were like this all the time, I think I would work out more often. Maybe I need to start going to the gym more regularly and take the classes and become friendly with the other classmates. haha, what a concept!

Hopefully I don't get a leg cramp tonight while sleeping! OMG, I am so old. blegh.

Why do I care?

Today has been a shitty boy day. So the guy I dated last year and am now friends with on facebook proceeded to tell me about his new girlfriend moving in with him this weekend. What a dick. As a matter of fact, I am going to unfriend him now. I don't need to know whats new with him because I don't give a shit. Even though I should not care, I do care. And I don't necessarily care because I want him, I care because what the fuck, how come he found someone to call his girlfriend I am still looking for someone. Wtf???

I called my current boy toy tonight and he was kinda like blegh about talking to me. I do feel like we don't have much to talk about over the phone. I don't like just talking to him. I would rather just spend time with him so we can kiss and hug. Hmm, I think all this means is that I possibly don't have much in common with him. Tonight when I called him he started babbling something about taking a shower, taking shit out of his car, and then talking to his mom or brother cause he had not seen them for the past four days....translation to me, He didn't want to talk to me. So I said, "ok, have a good night" and I just hung up.....he was still talking.

As much as I want to have sex with him, I am not going to call him anymore. He can call me next time cause I totally felt rejected by him not wanting to talk to me. I don't get him.

Oh, and I am being such a shallow biotch. Some guy from HS wants to have dinner with me and I accepted his invitation before he sent me his current picture. OMG....I really don't want to meet him. I am just not attracted to him. I don't really want a guy friend. I want someone I am interested. So its kinda pointless for me to see him. I am going to try and figure out how I can get out of meeting him. ugh, what a pain.

Ending to the weekend (Sunday)

ugh....so annoyed. My current boy toy came over tonight and I am on my effn period!! ugh!! He of course said he didn't mind, but I have not had sex with him yet and I told him I didn't want our first time to be on my period. wtf???

So I ended up giving him a blow job. And wow, he has a very nice sized cock. I am looking forward to when I can have all of it. Whats funny is that he is the first guy that I wanted to stay longer. Usually I can not wait to leave or I can not wait for them to leave. But with the current boy toy, I wanted him to stay. And it bothers me that I wanted him to stay. Does that mean that I like him? Well, I am not going to call him. I am going to wait for him to call me.

On a side note, I am kinda reconnecting with this one guy I dated last year. I found him on Facebook and I finally decided to just send him a friend request on facebook. I am not sure if he is going to be into me since he was the one who kinda broke things off with me because I was kinda mean to him. He treated me nicely and I do like him. So for sure I would not mind going out with him again. But I will let him ask, I am not going to suggest it. Who knows, he may not want anything to do with me romantically. And at least he can buy me dinner!! Unlike my poor little boy toy.

I am going to weigh myself tomorrow. I am probably going to be heavier due to the water retention from my period....I know...excuses excuses excuses!!