My Date with the Plunger

Tonight I achieved a personal best....a date lasting 30 minutes!

What a Saturday! I woke up terribly hung over from Friday night. Oh, what a Friday night. To recap, I went with a good friend to see a college friend's performance (her friend). The night started off innocently enough. Small dive in Hollywood with very very strong martinis. Long story short, I had 4 drinks too many, talked to a guy with 6 inch spikes on his head and another with a spike collar, purchased a toy at the Hustler store (after some guy gave me his personal picks on toys), threw up on Sunset while some valet guys walked by, got home threw up some more....then passed out. Yes.....I know.

So Saturday comes along and so does my date with Matt the Plumber. I really thought about rescheduling for some other day,but then decided I wanted to just meet him and get it over with. So I manage to shower, change out of my pjs, and trekked it over to the Sherman Oaks Galleria (SOG) for my "coffee date". This location was picked because my date is an ex-alcoholic (17 years sober). I found out about this on Friday, the day before our date, and I decided to still meet him anyways (pre the 4 too many vodka drinks). So I arrive at the SOG for my date and I see him sitting outside Starbucks. He stands up to greet me and there are about 4 inches missing from what I was expecting....and we're not talking penis size. There was an awkward, should we shake hands? Hug? So I, being Latin, go in for the hug. And then we stand there for a few seconds too long to which he says, "Well, should we go in?" I said sure. So I am already not really feeling it. The thought of asking, "Do you really want to have coffee....or should we just call it a night" passed by my head...but I thought, no, I am already here, I showered, and put some effort into looking decent.

We get to the counter and I ordered a grande gingerbread latte and he orders a grande decaf coffee followed by, "I have to get up early tomorrow, so I don't want to be up all night", translation, lets drink this and get it over with so I can leave. Wow, I am getting good at reading people. Oh, and let me add this, he looked annoyed that our date was costing him over $5 because he made a face when he was handed 4 singles, a 10, and change.

So I suggested a seat by the window so I could people watch while enjoying my latte. During our 25 minute meet and greet, my date yawned 5 times, complained about meeting at a "mall" (to which I responded, it is the closest Starbucks I know to the 405 [he drove his motorcycle from Gardena to Sherman Oaks], he also complained that I told him the exit was Sepulveda and not Ventura, he complained about Starbucks and said he preferred Coffee Bean, and he sprinkled the conversation with some of the typical 20 questions to ask:

1. Where did you go to school?
2. Where did you grow up?
3. Blah blah blah blah

So about minute 28 he has finished making confetti out of his cup holder, chugged his decaf coffee, and the following is said,

Him: "So, I think I am going to get going"
Me: "Ok"
Him: "Alright, it was nice meeting you"
Me: "Ok, see ya"

And before the word "ya" even left my mouth, poof....he gets up and leaves! Just like that!!! how rude!!! I mean, come on guy? Have some manners! This was the first time ever a guy just literally, got up and left. I've had first dates before where the chemistry was not exactly there, but the guy usually is decent enough to be polite and go through the whole "good bye" formality....this guy just got up, and took off. Wow.

And I am not going to say, he has no manners because he's a plumber. I am going to say, he has no manners becuase he's a PLUNGER! What a douche.