*Sigh*. I am so sad to report that on Thurs 7/23/09, my puppy passed away. She was 14. She lived a long happy life, but it still doesnt make it any easier.
I knew she was going to pass away some day, but I never thought the loss would affect me so much. I just sobbed and fell to her side when I saw her. She looked so peaceful curled up on the grass. I thought she was just napping in the sun the same way she always did.....but she wasn't.
In the past I never understood why people took their pet's passing so hard, and now I totally understand. I lost someone from my family.
I will always remember her. I will always miss her. I will always love her.
Thats all I have to say for today. I hope my next blog is not as gloomy.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Mixed Day - 58 lbs
Yes....a 2lb loss. I think it might be water weight, but who cares, I will take it!!!
Today was a mixed day. I realize I am making myself miserable at work. I find myself going out of my way to be extra bitchy to my useless helper. Maybe I should refer to her as my unhelper, because that is what she is. Ugh.
At the end of it all, I don't have to be mean to her. I think me being on her ass so much just makes her try to think more (not a whole lot more, but I do get the sense she is trying)...and at this point, I need her to be herself so that things can take their natural course.
Tomorrow, I am just going to be normal. Hopefully she doesn't do something terribly unhelpful to upset me. I noticed that I my bad mood followed me after work, to the point that I got snappy with one of my good friends, was pissy at the Zumba staff for discussing my payment status with someone else, and was annoyed with the lame front desk person for not paying attention to me quick enough when I first arrived to check in. I guess it also doesn't help that I am PMsing.
But, on a lighter note, I ended the day really well. I went to my Zumba class, managed to un-annoy myself, shook my ass, was able to follow the steps better, and just felt good once it was all over.
Oh, before I forget, I still have not gotten my period (but I am sure I will be getting it this week), but the thought of being preggers crossed my mind, and it didn't freak me out. Crazy huh.
Today was a mixed day. I realize I am making myself miserable at work. I find myself going out of my way to be extra bitchy to my useless helper. Maybe I should refer to her as my unhelper, because that is what she is. Ugh.
At the end of it all, I don't have to be mean to her. I think me being on her ass so much just makes her try to think more (not a whole lot more, but I do get the sense she is trying)...and at this point, I need her to be herself so that things can take their natural course.
Tomorrow, I am just going to be normal. Hopefully she doesn't do something terribly unhelpful to upset me. I noticed that I my bad mood followed me after work, to the point that I got snappy with one of my good friends, was pissy at the Zumba staff for discussing my payment status with someone else, and was annoyed with the lame front desk person for not paying attention to me quick enough when I first arrived to check in. I guess it also doesn't help that I am PMsing.
But, on a lighter note, I ended the day really well. I went to my Zumba class, managed to un-annoy myself, shook my ass, was able to follow the steps better, and just felt good once it was all over.
Oh, before I forget, I still have not gotten my period (but I am sure I will be getting it this week), but the thought of being preggers crossed my mind, and it didn't freak me out. Crazy huh.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Blegh - 60 lbs
Yeah.....60 lbs!!!!
Its almost 1 am and my stomach is growling. I can not allow myself to consume food past 8 pm. I need to start going to bed earlier so that I am not up this late anymore. It will help me with the hunger pangs. Today food wise I was so-so. I had 1/4 of a chocolate croissant (normally I would have had the entire thing, and possible a piece of some other one), a turkey sandwich for lunch, cherries as an afternoon snack, and an empanda for dinner. I had 2 diet cokes about 2 bottles of water. I need to drink more water. Not the greatest food day, but not terrible either.
But I am annoyed with myself for gaining an additional 1/2 lb since last week. I guess all the drinking and late night meals got the best of me. ugh.
Today I got a call from the Tall Dark and Handsome Bouncer. I think he only calls me when he wakes up horny on Monday's or something. I would pick up the phone, I know he is only calling to see if I can come over in the evening to his place. Not that I wouldn't mind some good sex, but his place is gross, and i refuse to go back to his place again and there is no way he is coming to my house....so no sexy time for either of us!!
Its almost 1 am and my stomach is growling. I can not allow myself to consume food past 8 pm. I need to start going to bed earlier so that I am not up this late anymore. It will help me with the hunger pangs. Today food wise I was so-so. I had 1/4 of a chocolate croissant (normally I would have had the entire thing, and possible a piece of some other one), a turkey sandwich for lunch, cherries as an afternoon snack, and an empanda for dinner. I had 2 diet cokes about 2 bottles of water. I need to drink more water. Not the greatest food day, but not terrible either.
But I am annoyed with myself for gaining an additional 1/2 lb since last week. I guess all the drinking and late night meals got the best of me. ugh.
Today I got a call from the Tall Dark and Handsome Bouncer. I think he only calls me when he wakes up horny on Monday's or something. I would pick up the phone, I know he is only calling to see if I can come over in the evening to his place. Not that I wouldn't mind some good sex, but his place is gross, and i refuse to go back to his place again and there is no way he is coming to my house....so no sexy time for either of us!!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Arrggghhh = 59.5 lbs
I weighed myself this morning and OMG.....I have gained weight. blegh. I had set a mini goal for myself in time for my b-day which is in about 3 weeks. I may still have some time to get to it, but I am still so annoyed with myself. Before I had a bigger weight loss goal of 50 lbs to loose, but since weighing myself this morning....I need to add 9.5 lbs more to this. OMG, where the "F" did I get these 9.5 extra lbs from? Oh yeah, the chips, chocolate covered pretzels, 2nd helpings of BBQ, late night meals/snacks, and chocolates through out the day. I am really so annoyed with myself. I should have known something was up when I didn't need the belt for my jeans that were fitting loose around the waist a few weeks ago.
BUT....its never too late to start. I say this of course, after already having indulged in some left over cake for dinner. blegh. Wow....59.5lbs!!!! Seeing it in writing is making it worse!! Going forward I am going to track my weight loss goal. I want to feel accountable some how, and seeing here in the title of this blog makes it even scarier. Hopefully by the time my birthday rolls around I will need my belt again and the number in the title of my blog will be less than 59.5lbs!!!
BUT....its never too late to start. I say this of course, after already having indulged in some left over cake for dinner. blegh. Wow....59.5lbs!!!! Seeing it in writing is making it worse!! Going forward I am going to track my weight loss goal. I want to feel accountable some how, and seeing here in the title of this blog makes it even scarier. Hopefully by the time my birthday rolls around I will need my belt again and the number in the title of my blog will be less than 59.5lbs!!!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Its a Wrap!
Wow, so today, I went back and forth on the idea of meeting the Poet in the evening. He let me know that he didn't have money to spend aka if we go out, I am paying. I told him it was not a big deal. Last time I paid for him I didn't mind at all. It wasn't a big deal. But tonight....OMG, it was a big deal. So I get to the place we're meeting and he is already there peddling his product. OMG.....so I just walked right past him, I thought he saw me, but he didn't. I went to the bar and ordered my Stella. I sat down and some girl complimented the blouse I was wearing and then some guy sitting near me asked what I was drinking (since I was sipping me beer through a straw). The guy who asked was kinda cute and married! blegh.
So I am sitting there sipping my beer and then like 10 minutes later the Poet is calling me. I tell him I am sitting right behind him, he totally did not know I was there. So he comes over and gives me a hug and then proceeds to ask me if I had eaten dinner, I told him yes (it was past 10 pm), he then told me he had not and that he was probably going to need to leave early blah blah blah, and I was like...here is some money, get something. I was soooo bothered that I had to give him money. I was like OMG...even though I had told him I would take care of it. But its like, come on guy. I was so turned off. Then the girl who had complimented me on my blouse says, "Hey Poet". and I was like, "oh, you know her?" and he was like, "yeah, I talked to her outside". Note that before he had said that, I saw her picking up a business card and the guys she was with were kinda laughing at this business card. Turns out the business card belongs to the Poet. ugh. So the Poet orders his meal and beer and then asked if I had more money because he needed more money to pay for his food, beer, and tip. OMG. I was so fucken annoyed. I was just like...OMG....even though I know I told him I would take care of it earlier. But its like, come on guy....fucken eat at home if you know you don't have money to eat out. Especially since we were meeting late in the evening. Don't expect the girl to pay for your drinks, dinner, and then give you a sex.
I wanted to leave so badly and I couldn't find the moment to leave. I almost just wanted to give him more cash for his bill and leave, but I felt bad. So then he proceeds to make himself even more attractive by telling me that he officially applied for unemployment today. The girl from before then leans over and asked me, "Do you work with him?" OMG.....and I was appalled that she would even suggest it. I said , "No". She then asked how I knew him. I told her that we were just casual friends. OMG. At that moment is when I had the, "What the fuck am I doing here with him?" moment. So I gave him some BS about having to get up early the next morning and having to leave. I suggested he stay so he could continue "working" the crowd, but in reality, I just wanted to avoid him walking to my car and thinking he was going to get a kiss or whatever. So I bid him farewell and gave him a 1 arm hug with a tap. Yes, I know, very romantic.
What most annoyed me tonight was that he couldn't just be there waiting to see me. He is even more broke than I thought. He literally asked me for more money. He didn't compliment me once. I mean, strangers gave me more compliments than him. And he totally grossed me out when he was done eating because he announced that he had to go pee while scratching/readjusting himself over this pants and I could smell the disgusting chicken nachos he had had for dinner.
So basically, I went to the bar tonight to pay for his dinner and beer. Seriously, I should have stayed home and saved myself the money. BUT, as my good friend told me tonight after I texted her a recap of what happened with the Poet, at least now I am done and I am not left wondering where I stand with him. I really do feel like tonight was the closure I needed.
The man I decided to share my time and body with has to be deserving of me. And I don't need a Richy Rich, I just want a man who has his shit together. So the fact I was incredibly turned off, really helped me realize that I am really done with the Poet and I don't want any further contact with him. And of course he will be a distant memory once I get my period in July. We used protection both times we had sex, but still.
So I am sitting there sipping my beer and then like 10 minutes later the Poet is calling me. I tell him I am sitting right behind him, he totally did not know I was there. So he comes over and gives me a hug and then proceeds to ask me if I had eaten dinner, I told him yes (it was past 10 pm), he then told me he had not and that he was probably going to need to leave early blah blah blah, and I was like...here is some money, get something. I was soooo bothered that I had to give him money. I was like OMG...even though I had told him I would take care of it. But its like, come on guy. I was so turned off. Then the girl who had complimented me on my blouse says, "Hey Poet". and I was like, "oh, you know her?" and he was like, "yeah, I talked to her outside". Note that before he had said that, I saw her picking up a business card and the guys she was with were kinda laughing at this business card. Turns out the business card belongs to the Poet. ugh. So the Poet orders his meal and beer and then asked if I had more money because he needed more money to pay for his food, beer, and tip. OMG. I was so fucken annoyed. I was just like...OMG....even though I know I told him I would take care of it earlier. But its like, come on guy....fucken eat at home if you know you don't have money to eat out. Especially since we were meeting late in the evening. Don't expect the girl to pay for your drinks, dinner, and then give you a sex.
I wanted to leave so badly and I couldn't find the moment to leave. I almost just wanted to give him more cash for his bill and leave, but I felt bad. So then he proceeds to make himself even more attractive by telling me that he officially applied for unemployment today. The girl from before then leans over and asked me, "Do you work with him?" OMG.....and I was appalled that she would even suggest it. I said , "No". She then asked how I knew him. I told her that we were just casual friends. OMG. At that moment is when I had the, "What the fuck am I doing here with him?" moment. So I gave him some BS about having to get up early the next morning and having to leave. I suggested he stay so he could continue "working" the crowd, but in reality, I just wanted to avoid him walking to my car and thinking he was going to get a kiss or whatever. So I bid him farewell and gave him a 1 arm hug with a tap. Yes, I know, very romantic.
What most annoyed me tonight was that he couldn't just be there waiting to see me. He is even more broke than I thought. He literally asked me for more money. He didn't compliment me once. I mean, strangers gave me more compliments than him. And he totally grossed me out when he was done eating because he announced that he had to go pee while scratching/readjusting himself over this pants and I could smell the disgusting chicken nachos he had had for dinner.
So basically, I went to the bar tonight to pay for his dinner and beer. Seriously, I should have stayed home and saved myself the money. BUT, as my good friend told me tonight after I texted her a recap of what happened with the Poet, at least now I am done and I am not left wondering where I stand with him. I really do feel like tonight was the closure I needed.
The man I decided to share my time and body with has to be deserving of me. And I don't need a Richy Rich, I just want a man who has his shit together. So the fact I was incredibly turned off, really helped me realize that I am really done with the Poet and I don't want any further contact with him. And of course he will be a distant memory once I get my period in July. We used protection both times we had sex, but still.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A Fat Girl's Dinner
OMG.....I had terrible things to eat tonight. Ugh.
I had the following for dinner:
1 slice of meat loaf
1.5 glasses of wine
1 scoop of ice cream
Now its almost 2 am and I feel gross. blegh.
I had the following for dinner:
1 slice of meat loaf
1.5 glasses of wine
1 scoop of ice cream
Now its almost 2 am and I feel gross. blegh.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
