Today Kinda Sucked

Today kinda sucked because:

1. I rented 3 dvds this weekend and all the movies sucked...really bad.

2. I went to pick up a prize I won this weekend only to finally reach the place and was told the office where my prize was stored was locked and no one had the key. I will have to make a 2nd trip to collect my prize.

3. I got stood up on a date for the first time in my entire life!!!! AND....I got stood up by a guy whom I didn't even want to go out with in the first place. Peer pressure blows. I love my friends, but I should have gone with my gut and not agreed to see this guy who ended up not even showing!

4. My credit card was declined for the first time in my whole entire life!

Things that didn't suck:

1. I felt nice and sore from my workout yesterday.

2. I found out that the Zumba class I love so much is no longer being held in the really gross place I didn't like so much.

3. Even though I got stood up at the restaurant, I decided to stay anyways, and I enjoyed a very delicious dinner all by myself. For dessert I decided to text my No-show date the following:
"You're a terrible person. Loose my number. Loser."

4. I had an emergency $50 bill with me and was able to pay my bill. My credit card was declined because my bank cancelled my card when they suspected suspicious 3rd party transactions. I didn't think to switch out my cards prior to leaving my house, but good thing I decided to take some cash just in case.

When I got home tonight from dinner, I didn't have the heart to tell my mom that I had been stood up. I think she would have been more upset about it than I was. So instead I told her that the date sucked and that there was no connection. Which was true...because the guy never showed!!!

News update. I received a text from my No-show date letting me know that he passed out and slept through our date. He stated that he felt really bad. He also just called me and left a message explaining himself. He said he knew I would probably not want to see him again. At least he is not stupid. If this were our 2nd or 3rd date...maybe I could forgive him. He did go to work today and I can understand being tired. But...this was our 1st date. The time when you want to make a good impression. He should have set his alarm clock or drank coffee....or something. Not forgivable. Sorry.

So tonight I have decided that I am sick of this whole blind date internet dating BS. I am so tired of meeting guys that I am not 100% interested in. I need a new forum. I am going to start going to singles events. Maybe it will be better for me in a face-to-face type environment. Frankly I have lost patience for the online thing. So sick of the emails, the chatting online, the conversations over the phone....blah blah blah blah. The good thing about all of this is that now I know what I want in a man. Hopefully it will be easier for me to pick and choose in person.

To new beginnings in 2010!!

I Just Don't Anymore (42lbs...woo hoo!!)

I just read my last posting from about 5 months ago. Lots of things have happened since then and some things have stayed the same. The good thing is that I still have my wonderful close friends. I have learned to be a better friend with friends I was considering unfriending but realized I had too many years vested and maybe the friendship would just need to take on a different form. The new format is working well so far. I have found a new form of working out that works for me. One of my bffs introduced my to Zumba. Its this awesome dance workout that moves your entire body and gives you an awesome workout and gets you all hot and sweaty. Which is why I have managed to lose some lbs since I last blogged. I have fallen off the wagon a bit on account of the holidays and also my Zumba instructor has taken 2 weeks off for vacation. I know...excuses excuses....its not like I couldn't go to the gym!! But you know...whatever. I am going to do everything in moderation. Like today for example I went to the mall and shopped for about 5 hours and then had a burger and fries for dinner! haha....trust me, by body is not liking it. I am feeling a little nauseous now as I type.

Dating wise, I have been on 1 date since the summer. I went out with this guy who I actually really liked.....but he just wasn't that into me. It took me a few weeks of trying to fool myself that maybe he really was too busy......but nope....he was just not into me and thats ok. I can say that without feeling bad....ummm....3 months later!

Tonight on facebook I unfriended a guy I dated. I think we dated some time last year. At first when I became his friend I cared about what he was up to, he new live in girlfriend (uh huh), and just what was going on with him. So tonight I was on facebook minding my own business and I saw a bunch of lame pictures from his Christmas party. He was in the pictures and so was his girlfriend....I looked through ALL of them of course...but then I was like...you know, I really don't care anymore. So I unfriended him.

I have been on a "I just don't care" kinda mood today. I also said the same regarding someone I was good friends with many moons ago when I was asked how she was doing. My response was, "I don't know, and I don't care".

So Sad.....(weight = I have no clue)

*Sigh*. I am so sad to report that on Thurs 7/23/09, my puppy passed away. She was 14. She lived a long happy life, but it still doesnt make it any easier.

I knew she was going to pass away some day, but I never thought the loss would affect me so much. I just sobbed and fell to her side when I saw her. She looked so peaceful curled up on the grass. I thought she was just napping in the sun the same way she always did.....but she wasn't.

In the past I never understood why people took their pet's passing so hard, and now I totally understand. I lost someone from my family.

I will always remember her. I will always miss her. I will always love her.

Thats all I have to say for today. I hope my next blog is not as gloomy.

Mixed Day - 58 lbs

Yes....a 2lb loss. I think it might be water weight, but who cares, I will take it!!!

Today was a mixed day. I realize I am making myself miserable at work. I find myself going out of my way to be extra bitchy to my useless helper. Maybe I should refer to her as my unhelper, because that is what she is. Ugh.

At the end of it all, I don't have to be mean to her. I think me being on her ass so much just makes her try to think more (not a whole lot more, but I do get the sense she is trying)...and at this point, I need her to be herself so that things can take their natural course.

Tomorrow, I am just going to be normal. Hopefully she doesn't do something terribly unhelpful to upset me. I noticed that I my bad mood followed me after work, to the point that I got snappy with one of my good friends, was pissy at the Zumba staff for discussing my payment status with someone else, and was annoyed with the lame front desk person for not paying attention to me quick enough when I first arrived to check in. I guess it also doesn't help that I am PMsing.

But, on a lighter note, I ended the day really well. I went to my Zumba class, managed to un-annoy myself, shook my ass, was able to follow the steps better, and just felt good once it was all over.

Oh, before I forget, I still have not gotten my period (but I am sure I will be getting it this week), but the thought of being preggers crossed my mind, and it didn't freak me out. Crazy huh.

Blegh - 60 lbs

Yeah.....60 lbs!!!!

Its almost 1 am and my stomach is growling. I can not allow myself to consume food past 8 pm. I need to start going to bed earlier so that I am not up this late anymore. It will help me with the hunger pangs. Today food wise I was so-so. I had 1/4 of a chocolate croissant (normally I would have had the entire thing, and possible a piece of some other one), a turkey sandwich for lunch, cherries as an afternoon snack, and an empanda for dinner. I had 2 diet cokes about 2 bottles of water. I need to drink more water. Not the greatest food day, but not terrible either.

But I am annoyed with myself for gaining an additional 1/2 lb since last week. I guess all the drinking and late night meals got the best of me. ugh.

Today I got a call from the Tall Dark and Handsome Bouncer. I think he only calls me when he wakes up horny on Monday's or something. I would pick up the phone, I know he is only calling to see if I can come over in the evening to his place. Not that I wouldn't mind some good sex, but his place is gross, and i refuse to go back to his place again and there is no way he is coming to my house....so no sexy time for either of us!!

Arrggghhh = 59.5 lbs

I weighed myself this morning and OMG.....I have gained weight. blegh. I had set a mini goal for myself in time for my b-day which is in about 3 weeks. I may still have some time to get to it, but I am still so annoyed with myself. Before I had a bigger weight loss goal of 50 lbs to loose, but since weighing myself this morning....I need to add 9.5 lbs more to this. OMG, where the "F" did I get these 9.5 extra lbs from? Oh yeah, the chips, chocolate covered pretzels, 2nd helpings of BBQ, late night meals/snacks, and chocolates through out the day. I am really so annoyed with myself. I should have known something was up when I didn't need the belt for my jeans that were fitting loose around the waist a few weeks ago.

BUT....its never too late to start. I say this of course, after already having indulged in some left over cake for dinner. blegh. Wow....59.5lbs!!!! Seeing it in writing is making it worse!! Going forward I am going to track my weight loss goal. I want to feel accountable some how, and seeing here in the title of this blog makes it even scarier. Hopefully by the time my birthday rolls around I will need my belt again and the number in the title of my blog will be less than 59.5lbs!!!

Its a Wrap!

Wow, so today, I went back and forth on the idea of meeting the Poet in the evening. He let me know that he didn't have money to spend aka if we go out, I am paying. I told him it was not a big deal. Last time I paid for him I didn't mind at all. It wasn't a big deal. But tonight....OMG, it was a big deal. So I get to the place we're meeting and he is already there peddling his product. OMG.....so I just walked right past him, I thought he saw me, but he didn't. I went to the bar and ordered my Stella. I sat down and some girl complimented the blouse I was wearing and then some guy sitting near me asked what I was drinking (since I was sipping me beer through a straw). The guy who asked was kinda cute and married! blegh.

So I am sitting there sipping my beer and then like 10 minutes later the Poet is calling me. I tell him I am sitting right behind him, he totally did not know I was there. So he comes over and gives me a hug and then proceeds to ask me if I had eaten dinner, I told him yes (it was past 10 pm), he then told me he had not and that he was probably going to need to leave early blah blah blah, and I was like...here is some money, get something. I was soooo bothered that I had to give him money. I was like OMG...even though I had told him I would take care of it. But its like, come on guy. I was so turned off. Then the girl who had complimented me on my blouse says, "Hey Poet". and I was like, "oh, you know her?" and he was like, "yeah, I talked to her outside". Note that before he had said that, I saw her picking up a business card and the guys she was with were kinda laughing at this business card. Turns out the business card belongs to the Poet. ugh. So the Poet orders his meal and beer and then asked if I had more money because he needed more money to pay for his food, beer, and tip. OMG. I was so fucken annoyed. I was just like...OMG....even though I know I told him I would take care of it earlier. But its like, come on guy....fucken eat at home if you know you don't have money to eat out. Especially since we were meeting late in the evening. Don't expect the girl to pay for your drinks, dinner, and then give you a sex.

I wanted to leave so badly and I couldn't find the moment to leave. I almost just wanted to give him more cash for his bill and leave, but I felt bad. So then he proceeds to make himself even more attractive by telling me that he officially applied for unemployment today. The girl from before then leans over and asked me, "Do you work with him?" OMG.....and I was appalled that she would even suggest it. I said , "No". She then asked how I knew him. I told her that we were just casual friends. OMG. At that moment is when I had the, "What the fuck am I doing here with him?" moment. So I gave him some BS about having to get up early the next morning and having to leave. I suggested he stay so he could continue "working" the crowd, but in reality, I just wanted to avoid him walking to my car and thinking he was going to get a kiss or whatever. So I bid him farewell and gave him a 1 arm hug with a tap. Yes, I know, very romantic.

What most annoyed me tonight was that he couldn't just be there waiting to see me. He is even more broke than I thought. He literally asked me for more money. He didn't compliment me once. I mean, strangers gave me more compliments than him. And he totally grossed me out when he was done eating because he announced that he had to go pee while scratching/readjusting himself over this pants and I could smell the disgusting chicken nachos he had had for dinner.

So basically, I went to the bar tonight to pay for his dinner and beer. Seriously, I should have stayed home and saved myself the money. BUT, as my good friend told me tonight after I texted her a recap of what happened with the Poet, at least now I am done and I am not left wondering where I stand with him. I really do feel like tonight was the closure I needed.

The man I decided to share my time and body with has to be deserving of me. And I don't need a Richy Rich, I just want a man who has his shit together. So the fact I was incredibly turned off, really helped me realize that I am really done with the Poet and I don't want any further contact with him. And of course he will be a distant memory once I get my period in July. We used protection both times we had sex, but still.